Monday, April 28, 2014

Week 54 - Being What He Wants Me To Be

Well hello hello my dear family:]
This week ended up being quite challenging! We had interviews with President Pingree and as always they were great! As we got to talking things we're just peachy and we started discussing... plans to go home.  Which, as of lately, isn't my favorite subject to talk about.  For quite some time I have been planning on coming home in September, that way I could have 3 solid months to get back to ballet shape so I could audition in January! That's been my game plan for I can't even tell you how long.  Well we're talking about it and President says "Ya know I think that's a wonderful plan.  It'll be exciting to see what happens when you get home."  For some reason though, I felt the need to pray about it and ask the big man upstairs what His thoughts were.  The next day during my studies I received my answer. . . He needs me to stay.  He needs me to stay til the end of October. When I got that revelation I was so bummed!!  But what about ballet?!  What about all my big plans?  And ya know what thought I had . . .  "Have you still not learned that that's not what I want you to be?"  Aahhh crushing.

The next day was hard as well, we went out and knocked for hours with a couple sparks of excitement.  I saw a little boy out riding his bike and I asked him, "Hey what's your name?"  "Casinova, Jeffrey!" He replies and I ask him, "Well Casinova, where is your mom?"  He laughs at me and says "NO call me Jeffrey" and starts pedaling away.  We follow him to his house and as we approach it starts feeling a little weird.  We can hear a woman inside yelling the F word about every other word and there is broken beer glasses ALL over the yard.  Jeffrey runs inside and says "Mama!  Somebody is here to see you."  The mom says a couple other choice words and comes storming out the door, she takes one look at me and Sister Niedert (exchanges) and says a wonderful collection of words that I never, never, never would like to hear again.  She throws a bottle at the house and it shatters.  As we are walking away I can hear her screaming at Jeffrey.  Ya know the worst thing about it is that Jeffrey doesn't know any differently . . . to him that's how mom's treat their kids. To him that's just the way families are, and that thought right there is what breaks my heart the most.

The next day once again we're out trying to find some inactives on our list.  We got to a door, knock and decide to leave a note for the lady.  As we're walking away another crazy lady pokes her head out the door and yells, "I would recommend that you never come back here" and before we can answer, she slams her door.  We get in the car and as we're driving away our phone rings, I answer it and before I even know it, the crazy lady is once again yelling some cruel and disgusting things at me.  I just sit there, in shock.  And then I broke.  Why are people SO mean?  Why does Satan have to work so hard to try and bring me down?  Ah it's like 2 Nephi 4. Why should my strength slacken because of my afflictions?  My answer:  OPPOSITION.  

I got a blessing from our incredible Bishop and it was an answer to some of the deepest concerns of my  heart. I know more than anything that I am needed here.  There are specific people that need me and will need me until October.  I need to trust in that and trust that all will be well:]  I think that at times the more we try to build our relationship with God and help others do the same, the more Satan is going to try to stop you.  The more he is going to put doubts in your mind and throw some really nasty things in your way.  I'm learning to stay strong, to not throw in the towel, and to keep trying even when I feel like I can't.

I love this gospel. I know that it is true and that others have given up so much more than I.  Heavenly father is there, and I know He will help me through the hard times.  In fact, I think that's what He does best:]

I love you all and I hope that you have an INCREDIBLE week:]  We get transfer calls this Sunday!  Can you even believe how quick time is flying by?!  It's just not right!  And then it'll be mother's day!  Ah I'll talk to you guys soon!  I miss you so much!!
Love, Sister Bowden

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