Monday, September 30, 2013

Week 24 - You Can't Convert Someone Past Your Own Conversion

Well my dear family and long lost loved ones, here we are, it's monday once again:]
So this past week has been another one filled to the brim with frustrating, learning, and thoroughly enjoyable moments!
We had Interviews with Pres on Tuesday and we typically have 5-7 minutes where he asks us 3 questions.
1: Are you following the morning schedule?
2: Are you following the White Handbook?
and 3: How are you doing?
I passed the first 2 questions on with a breeze and when he asked me the third one i said Pres i'm doing so great! things are just plugging along, he then asked me again Sister Bowden really, how are you doing? I insisted yet again that i was doing good he had nothing to worry about. We sat there in silence for what seemed like ages and then i said Ok ok, honestly this past transfer has been really hard but it's good! I don't wanna be a burden to you i know you have SO much going on i just want you to know i'm doing good i'm not giving in. He just looked at me and then said ok tell me what's been happening? I went on to tell him how the past weeks have just been trying, Sister Possin slowly but surely sucks the life out of me and i just feel pretty overwhelmed all the time. I'm doing all that i can but i just feel like nothing is coming together this time like it has in the past, He then gave me a little assignment. He gave me certain chapters in the book of mormon to read and said I want you each day to think how the atonement affects you. Everyday i want you to pray to know how the atonement comes into play and then i want you to tell me about it in your letter this coming week. So that's what i've been doing this past week, pondering on how the sacrifices our Savior made for each of us can affect me on a daily basis. Which to be 100% honest i've never really thought of before, typically when we think of the atonement i think we all jump to repentance and if we haven't committed some huge sin we kinda just toss it to the side. THAT KILLS ME. Christ suffered for every pain, affliction and heartache we would have, He did it so that he could succor us. By thursday i was starting to realize just how big the atonement really is. I couldn't help but think man, my farewell talk was the pits! haha i missed the whole point of it! So i sincerely apologize for my complete obliviousness to the sacred act of the atonement. President also made the comment earlier that we need to be beacons of light and draw people to us. I told i feel like i got the drawing people to me thing down, it's just then it's hard to bring in the Christ thing. So he gave me a couple pointers told me he was proud of me and that he loved me and wa-la after 30 or so minutes my interview was finished:]
This past week during our training the focus was on integrity and there was a saying that really stuck to me,
�If someone only changes his behavior while a missionary, then, when he goes home, he will be the very same person he was when he left, subject to the same problems that plagued him before."


ah, can i just say that i oh so badly do NOT want to go back to the person i was before the mission. i don't, i don't, i don't. Not that i hated what i was or wasn't happy, i just can see certain things now that i wish i had done a little differently. We as human beings i believe are creatures of habit, we like feeling comfortable and we like things to be convenient. When something comes along that disrupts our patterns of life we tend to get a little freaked out. I have seen that in myself as i've been learning how to be a better servant of the Lord. I am a creature of habit, i like getting to know people but don't necessarily feel the need to let them know me. haha i can serve you, but i don't necessarily have to let you in. isn't it just easier that way?? but regardless, i want to just say i sincerely feel my heart changing and i hope and pray that the person that you guys see in about a year will be Macall on steroids! haha not like ew gross manly and hairy Macall, but just wow that girl really did have a change in her life because of her mission.

oh exchanges! exchanges were hahah ah stressful. Possin stayed in Fairfield with our sister training leader and i got a little break in Spring Branch. BUT the whole dang time Possin was texting/calling us asking me what she should do, when literally the night before i went over EVERYTHING that she was going to do and go and say. haha i felt like all hell and chaos broke loose as soon as i was gone. Saturday night at the relief society broadcast Sister Allred came and gave me a hug and whispered in my ear you're a saint. welp, at least now i know that it's not just me! I hope that maybe when i finish serving with Possin she will know how to be more social or at least know how to communicate with people well. Transfers are once again right around the corner and i've just gotten over the whole trying to guess what will happen thing. I could either A: stay one more and finish training the cracken from the sea. or B: be sent off to a new area. I would say there are pros and cons to both of these things. I feel though that i am ready to move on. I love fairfield and there is without a doubt people that i would miss but i think it's time they get a new missionary to kinda get them fired up again, i think they've all gotten comfortable with me so a new little spark might do the trick!

I'll just finish this bad boy up with a little bit of my testimony. I truly am so grateful for our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ. While my knowledge is no where close to others, i do know with my whole heart that the atonement is there for us all. It is there for not only our huge mistakes and sins, but it is also there for the small and simple things that we tend to think we can handle on our own. I would invite everyone to just put it on Him. He loves us simply and constantly whether we accept that love or not it is there. I hope that in some way or another i can be a beacon of light to anybody that reads this. Like Holland says, if your faith is faltering please lean on mine. Mine is there for you, take what ya need:] While i'm not always in the best of moods i am still learning. I love this gospel and the changes that it has brought not only into my life but also into my heart. I love you guys OH SO MUCH! Time is just a tickin and i look forward to the things that lie ahead!
Pea mahalo teuha fotunga tafau atu pe ka oku ou ilo pea oku afioi e heku tamia hevani pea mo kalaisi oku liliu hoka loto.:]

Sister Bowden

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